Fucking Hipsters and their Fixies

Since I am now aware that people read this I may as well write it in a style that is more 'reader friendly'....maybe...I don't know I don't care you should really go do something more productive.

So I wake up this morning and start the usual shit talk with Ant. The majority of our conversations somehow find their way to hipster talk, and this one was no exception. I forgot who thought of it first, but we came to the idea that fixies, despite being fucking hipster, may actually be cool.

If hipsters use it, it must be cool right? I'm sorry but if you are thinking this you are probably a hipster or a hipster in the making, and you are living in your hipster delusion fantasy world where interior semiotics replays in your head over and over and over again. Maybe hipsters are cool? I'm not sure? Maybe you have to be a hipster to truly find out.....or maybe it's just best to play things safe.

Anyways so Ant is now giving me ideas.......a fixie may be the cool factor I need to boost my coolness past the point I set myself as a new years resolution. NO I HAVE NOT HIT THAT POINT YET BUT SHHHH BE QUIET. So we start contemplating, how much do fixies cost? It's a POS frame with one gear and no free wheeling ability, surely it will cost $100 or so right? Absolutely wrong. $400 for the cheapest fixie. I didn't believe the prices I saw online so I called up a shop for confirmation.

Ben Ngooi wtf were you thinking mate?

Out of curiousity I ask the store guy why people would purchase a fixie. Besides the simplicity, every reason he gave me seemed ridiculous, as if he was a delusional hipster himself. He wasn't he was just a salesman trying to do his job, but the fact of the matter is he was spitting shit.

So why are fixies so expensive if they are POS? BECAUSE OF HIPSTER DEMAND. At $400, surely there is excess demand coming from hipsters, and therefore the hipster population is growing. At $400, no wonder hipsters grow facial hair, it's because they spend all their hard earned money from the dole / working at a dodgy record store / working as a cameraman for interior semiotics 2, on a fixie and do not have enough money for a shaver! It's elementary my dear Watson! Anyways, if the hipster population grows to the point where they can no more be classified as a minority, are they still considered hipsters?

Ok so I think screw all this I am going to make my own fixie. I have an old mountain bike ready to be hipped up. Ant agrees that if this is done, all hipsters shall bow down to my superior hipness. This sounds very attractive - Duane Quek: King of the hipsters. I like the ring. Maybe the hipster way of life is for me? I google this idea, thinking it'll be easy. I was gravely mistaken. It seems like making something so damn simple is not simple at all. The complexity of converting an old bike into a fixie must be complicated by hipsters who just need everything to be 'artsy'.

Do I have something against hipsters? No.....I am just a confused normal individual who is perplexed about the culture. I feel like I cannot ever join your ranks as my ability to grow facial hair is just embarrassing, and I don't own one of those cool polaroid cameras. If anyone is reading this and they own a fixie, I just want you to know that I am uber jealous and I want a ride. Ben, can you ride back from Melbourne so I can have a go? Cheers bra.

Unfortunately there are no hipsters in the MCL right now....

If you are unsure of what a hipster is, please google 'look at this fucking hipster' or 'interior semiotics' and you will get the gist...or not...it's probably better if you just live in your non hipster world ignorance, as knowledge of hipster culture may make you want to pour spaghetti all over yourself and more some in the name of art.